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Sign up todayHow We Are
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Learn moreThe first book in a major trilogy—one that will help readers everywhere live fuller, more satisfying lives.
We live in small worlds.
How We Are is an astonishing and ambitious work that gets to the heart of what it means to be human: how we are, how we break, and how we mend.
Deary first explores the power of habit and the difficulty of change. We live most of our lives automatically, in small worlds of comfortable routine—what the author calls Act One. Conscious change requires deliberate effort, so for the most part we avoid it. But inevitably, from within or without, something comes along to disturb our small worlds—some "news from elsewhere." And with reluctance, we begin the work of adjustment: Act Two.
Over decades of psychotherapeutic work, Deary has witnessed the theater of change—how ordinary people get stuck, struggle with new circumstances, and finally transform for the better. He is keenly aware that novelists, poets, philosophers, and theologians have grappled with these experiences for far longer than psychologists. Drawing on his own personal experience and a staggering range of literary, philosophical, and cultural sources, Deary has produced a mesmerizing and universal portrait of the human condition.
Part psychologist, part philosopher, part novelist, Deary helps us to see how we can resist being habit machines and make our acts and our lives more fully our own.
Vincent Deary is a health psychologist at Northumbria University who specializes in helping people change their lives for the better.
Matthew Brenher, originally from London, now lives in Los Angeles. His theatrical background includes performances in no fewer than twenty Shakespearean productions, including Macbeth, Twelfth Night, Measure for Measure, As You Like It, Julius Caesar, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Romeo in Romeo & Juliet, and the title role in Henry V. In Los Angeles, he played Claudius in Hamlet, Cassio in Othello, Antony in Antony & Cleopatra, Antipholous of Syracuse in Comedy of Errors, and Orsino in Twelfth Night. Other theater includes: Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights, Trigorin in The Seagull, Alistair in Shaw’s The Millionairess, Jerry in Pinter’s Betrayal, the title role in Dracula, and George in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, for which he was awarded best performance by a lead actor/drama by Stage Scene LA 2009–2010. He’s performed in new plays, most recently in A Bitter Fruit for Palestine, Vulcan in Love’s Mistress at the famous Globe theater in London, and Petko in an acclaimed production of The Mapletree Game. On television, he played “Mad” Marcus for six months in the now defunct British soap Brookside. Other television includes: Rules of Engagement, Bodyguards, The Blind Date, Starhunter, The Grid, Eastenders, and Nostradamus. Films include Execution, A Midsummer Nights Dream, Stay Shy, and The Boy Who would Be King. He works in commercials and industrials and is an accomplished voice-over artist.
Reviews
“Fascinating, jumbled, and often profound…[How We Are] could change lives.”
“A trilogy entitled How to Live might easily find itself stranded in the self-help sections of the bookshops…this would be an injustice…An honest, provisional, self-searching voice and a vision rich in images and characters’ stories…Optimistic, although in a low-key kind of way, the only way that really makes sense.”
“Exhilarating…a lyrical, consoling exploration…It takes guts to recognize that change is called for, and more to follow it through. This book—so long as you don’t read it on autopilot—should help”
“The one self-help book that’s actually worth reading.”
“Offers a new vocabulary for self-examination and vividly illustrates what it means to be human.”
“A handbook for the questing spirit…With the patience and assurance of an articulate guide, Deary invites us to consider intriguing ideas about human behavior. Drawing on his experience as a health psychologist and using a wealth of cultural, historical and literary references that range from the Buddha, to Nazi concentration camps, to Dorothy in the land of Oz, he leads us to examine ourselves…By the time he has helped us examine our innate struggle to accept change and even find comfort there, we too are ready to welcome and appreciate what he calls a new ‘conscious competence.’ Such mindfulness is the higher calling we deserve, Deary says—and with a better understanding of human nature, we’ll be far more likely to achieve it.”
“Thoughts on the human condition from a cognitive psychologist–turned–armchair philosopher.”
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