This Is Me Trying

Summary

Growing up, Bryce, Beatriz, and Santiago were inseparable. But when Santiago moved away before high school, their friendship crumbled. Three years later, Bryce is gone, Beatriz is known as the dead boy’s girlfriend, and Santiago is back.

The last thing Beatriz wants is to reunite with Santiago, who left all her messages unanswered while she drowned alone in grief over Bryce’s death by suicide. Even if she weren’t angry, Santiago’s attempts to make amends are jeopardizing her plan to keep the world at arm’s length—equal parts protection and punishment—and she swore to never let anyone try that again.

Santiago is surprised to find that the once-happy-go-lucky Bea is now the goth town loner, though he’s unsurprised she wants nothing to do with him. But he can’t fix what he broke between them while still hiding why he cut her off in the first place, and it’s harder to run from his past when he’s no longer states away.

Inevitably drawn back together by circumstance and history, Beatriz and Santiago navigate grief, love, mental illness, forgiveness, and what it means to try to build a future after unfathomable loss.

“An instant coming-of-age classic. In addition to introducing a memorable cast of characters who transcend the pages they live within, this novel explores grief with a tenderness, humor, and nuance that made me feel achingly young again.”—AARON H. ACEVES, author of This Is Why They Hate Us