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Start giftingThe Good Mother Myth
Timely and thought-provoking, Nancy Reddy unpacks and debunks the bad ideas that have for too long defined what it means to be a "good" mom.
When Nancy Reddy had her first child, she found herself suddenly confronted with the ideal of a perfect mother—a woman who was constantly available, endlessly patient, and immediately invested in her child to the exclusion of all else. Reddy had been raised by a single working mother, considered herself a feminist, and was well on her way to a PhD. Why did doing motherhood "right" feel so wrong?
For answers, Reddy turned to the mid-20th century social scientists and psychologists whose work still forms the basis of so much of what we believe about parenting. It seems ludicrous to imagine modern moms taking advice from midcentury researchers. Yet, their bad ideas about so-called “good” motherhood have seeped so pervasively into our cultural norms. In The Good Mother Myth, Reddy debunks the flawed lab studies, sloppy research, and straightforward misogyny of researchers from Harry Harlow, who claimed to have discovered love by observing monkeys in his lab, to the famous Dr. Spock, whose bestselling parenting guide included just one (1!) illustration of a father interacting with his child.
This timely and thought-provoking book will make you laugh, cry, and want to scream (sometimes all at once). Blending history of science, cultural criticism, and memoir, The Good Mother Myth pulls back the curtain on the flawed social science behind our contemporary understanding of what makes a good mom.
NANCY REDDY's previous books include the poetry collections Pocket Universe and Double Jinx, a winner of the National Poetry Series. With Emily Pérez, she’s co-editor of The Long Devotion: Poets Writing Motherhood. Her essays have appeared in Slate, Poets & Writers, Romper, The Millions, and elsewhere. The recipient of grants from the New Jersey State Council on the Arts and the Sustainable Arts Foundation and a Walter E. Dakin Fellowship from the Sewanee Writers’ Conference, she teaches writing at Stockton University and writes the newsletter Write More, Be Less Careful.
Reviews
"Most moms know that the myth of ideal motherhood is just that: a myth. Nancy Reddy charts her own disillusionment with the ideal while also illuminating the making and the makers of the myth: white men in power. Generous, raw, and meticulously researched, The Good Mother Myth will validate you and set you free." - Sara Petersen, author of Momfluenced
"Reddy cracks open everything we take for granted about motherhood and shows us the facts are mere mythology and the 'science' is shoddy. This book is a gift to all mothers. With beautiful prose, Reddy wipes the slate clean and gives moms permission to forge their own parenting path." - Minna Dubin, author of Mom Rage
"Nancy Reddy's blend of memoir and historical reporting provides a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a 'good mother.' By seamlessly weaving together analyses of studies by 'the experts'—mostly male scientists—with her own personal experience bearing and raising a child, Reddy explains why mothers are right to prioritize their intuition, common sense, and individual path to happiness." - Lara Bazelon, author of Ambitious Like a Mother
"Always available and never angry, effortlessly caring and in tune with her children's needs; we all seem to know what defines a "good" mother. But who decided on these traits, and who elevated them to the maternal ideal? In this compelling and thought-provoking book, Reddy traces the origins of the good mother myth, leading us through a fascinating history of scientists, animal experiments, and self-proclaimed childcare experts who have shaped our understanding of how women should behave. By also sharing her own struggles with early motherhood, Reddy will have many women nodding their heads in sympathy--and frustration--at the outsized expectations put on mothers." - Carrie Mullins, author of The Book of Mothers
"This is a brilliant book. Nancy Reddy weaves together social history and her own lived experience to tease apart the fierce love we have for our children from the brutalizing ideals of motherhood that shape an impossible worldview. I was reminded of the pain of those early baby years--the aloneness. This book would have been great company then: enraging, validating, and, in its own sharp way, deeply reassuring." - Catherine Newman, author of Catastrophic Happiness and We All Want Impossible Things
"For anyone who has chafed against the expectations of always-on parenting, The Good Mother Myth cuts through the cant about motherhood and shows, with refreshing honesty and sly humor, a trail of misconceptions and biases among the social scientists that popularized the concept of attachment parenting. Pairing memoir with history, Reddy interweaves her recollections of early parenthood with the story of the scientific men, and occasional women, who popularized attachment parenting, revealing its roots in postwar anxieties about women in the workforce and unearthing the biases and messy personal lives of the scientists who championed the myth of the perfect mother. Along the way, she offers reassurance for any mother who wonders if she’s good enough." - Emily C. Bloom, author of I Cannot Control Everything Forever