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A Series of Unfortunate Events

The events recounted in this series are sure to depress you. If you cannot stomach stories that find misfortune continuously befalling the three charming Baudelaire orphans, I recommend you make another reading selection. The terrible tale of the Baudelaire’s bad luck starts with The Bad Beginning, and it all gets worse from there.

Series of Unfortunate Events #1 Multi-Voice, A: The Bad Beginning - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #1
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  2 hours 29 minutes

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

Like a car alarm, bagpipe music, or a doorbell ringing in the middle of the night, hearing this audio edition of The Bad Beginning will only upset you. This unique multi-voice recording brings the first book in Lemony Snicket's alarming A Series of Unfortunate Events to such terrible life that no one should really... Read More »

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A Series of Unfortunate Events #2: The Reptile Room

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #2
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  3 hours 11 minutes

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky.

In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #3: The Wide Window - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #3
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Lemony Snicket /  3 hours 5 minutes

Dear Listener,

I am sorry to say that the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and Sunny, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and the one you are holding may be the worst of them all.

If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, hungry... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #4: The Miserable Mill - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #4
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Lemony Snicket /  2 hours 56 minutes

Dear Listener,

If you have chosen to listen to this audio for pleasure, I advise you to put it down instantaneously, because of all the audios describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest.

This recording contains such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #5: The Austere Academy - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #5
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Lemony Snicket /  3 hours 16 minutes

WARNING: LISTENING TO THIS TAPE WILL ONLY MAKE YOU WEEP...

Dear Listener,

If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school.

Don't.

For the... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #6: The Ersatz Elevator - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #6
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  4 hours 29 minutes

Dear Reader,

If you have just picked up this audio, then it is not too late to put it back down. Like the previous books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, there is nothing to be found in these pages but misery, despair, and discomfort, and you still have time to choose something else to read.

Within the chapters of this story, Violet, Klaus, and... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #7: The Vile VillageDA - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #7
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  4 hours 20 minutes

Dear Listener,

Nobody in their right minds would listen to this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay at the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded on this CD.

I can think of no reason why anyone would want to listen to a book containing... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #8: The Hostile Hospital - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #8
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  4 hours 16 minutes

Dear Listener,

This audio is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful audios in the world.

There are many pleasant things to listen to, but this audio contains not one of them. Within it are such gruesome details as a suspicious... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #9: The Carnivorous Carnival - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #9
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  4 hours 53 minutes

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

Everybody loves a carnival! Who can fail to delight in the colourful people, the unworldly spectacle, the fabulous freaks?

A carnival is a place for good family fun—as long as one has a family, that is. For the Baudelaire orphans, their time at the carnival turns out to be yet another episode in a now unbearable... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #10: The Slippery Slope - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #10
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry & Stephin Merritt /  6 hours 9 minutes

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

DISCLAIMER: The long term effects of listening to this audio are unknown. Scientists have detected slightly higher rates of panic, fright and free-floating anxiety amongst listeners to this audio than that found in those listeners who engaged in more pleasant listening activities.

Dear Listener,

Like handshakes or... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #11: The Grim Grotto - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #11
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  5 hours 59 minutes

Dear Listener,

Unless you are a slug, a sea anemone, or mildew, you probably prefer not to be damp. You might also prefer not to listen to this audiobook, in which the Baudelaire siblings descend into the depths of despair, underwater. The horrors they encounter are too numerous to list, and include mushrooms, a mechanical monster, a distressing... Read More »

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Series of Unfortunate Events #12: The Penultimate Peril

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #12
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  6 hours 27 minutes

After any harrowing struggle, it is nice to consider checking into a hotel for a rest. In fact, this might be just the break Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire could use after their wearying deep-sea adventure.

A hotel can be a good choice for any family vacation. With so many floors, such a variety of rooms, and a curious array of guests,... Read More »

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A Series of Unfortunate Events #13: The End - Abridged

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book #13
By Lemony Snicket
Narrated by Tim Curry /  5 hours 52 minutes

Dear Listener,

You are presumably looking at the back of this audiobook, or the end of the end. The end of the end is the best place to begin the end, because if you listen to the end from the beginning of the beginning of the end to the end of the end of the end, you will arrive at the end of the end of your rope. This audiobook is the last in A... Read More »

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