Have you ever been so angry that hitting things felt good? Or numb to all emotions? The past few years have been like that for me. Traveling between fury and indifference with no stops in between. Some people hate me for it, while others are scared of me. But none of them can hurt me, because I don't care about anything or anyone.
I love her so much that I hate her. I hate that I can't let her go. We used to be friends, but I found out that I couldn't trust her—or anyone else. So I hurt her. I pushed her away. But I still need her. She centers me. Engaging her, challenging her, pushing her—it's the one last part of me that feels anything anymore.
But then she went and screwed everything up. She left for a year and came back a different girl. Now, when I push, she pushes back...and I'm not sure either one of us will ever be the same.